The Senju Brothers
by Tsume Yuki
Summary: If Tsunade had known the kind of chaos her sons would unleash upon the world, well then... She'd still have had them anyway. In which Senju Xanxus and Senju Tsuna ruin the entire plotline one curse and stutter at a time.
1. Prologue

**The Senju Brothers**

.

Watching her two boy's interact with one another, Tsunade can only wonder how in the world this all happened, and that maybe she should have stayed far, far away from the liquor.

Not that she doesn't love them to pieces or anything, but, but they should have been Dan's.

Xanxus should have had a good father, not a traitor to the village that she'd made the mistake of a drunken one night with, only a few months before she met Dan. Tsuna, well

Tsuna's father tries and he clearly loves him, but it's damn obvious Jiraiya isn't really father material. That was another mistake right there, victory sex after the end of the Third War that she'd only really helped in by developing medicine. Though she will never, ever proclaim her boys mistakes. The best kind of conciliation prizes for grand mistakes. A victory in themselves.

Tsunade might be mother material, but hell, her boys are the most trying children she's ever met.

She'd made the mistake of not having a name ready for her first baby boy, and he'd been entitled 'Xanxus' during her drug induced stupor.

Xanxus had at least known Dan, despite the small amount of time they'd been able to spend together. Orochimaru had watched from afar, not wanting to get involved with the child he'd helped create. After all, Orochimaru was not a 'people person'; something that carried over to Xanxus. Though the boy did make a special exception for Tsunade, and occasionally Shizune and Tsuna.

"Mama?"

Tsuna is quick to climb into her lap, thumb jammed in his mouth. The both of them ignore the furious explosions of burning coquelicot coloured fire that sets the world ablaze.

She has no idea just where Xanxus' unique fire bloodline has come from given that Senju blood favours water and earth, but she's made damn sure Orochimaru hasn't heard so much as a whisper about it. Jiraiya's been a big help there.

No matter how many times Tsunade has pinned her eldest down with a bar of soap in hand, he's never stopped swearing. Nowadays, he spits as many bubbles as he does curses, because she's sure as hell never stopped trying to clean up his language.

"Fucking trash! I'll send your fucking useless bastards right back where you came from, you're going in fucking matchboxes!"

Sitting in her lap, Tsuna doesn't so much as flinch, watching Xanxus work with her wide hazel eyes. Evidentially Xanxus' brilliant red comes from her line too, probably the same genetic mishap that gave her Great Uncle Tobirama his crimson irises. The spikes are all Tobirama's too, though the colouring Orochimaru's.

Tsunade has no idea where Tsuna's chocolate hair has come from, but chakra reacts with genetics in mysterious ways.

Proof in point, the mutation of Byakugan into Sharingan, though both Hyūga and Uchiha deny such a thing venomously.

"You fuckers won't lay a fucking hand on my Madre!" A strange nickname for mother, but Tsunade doesn't care. Her boy's love her, and that's what important.

"What's the matter, Tsu-chan?" Tsunade asks, running her hands though Tsuna's incredibly fluffy hair, quite in love with the feeling. Even her hair isn't this nice.

"I love you," Tsuna says quite seriously, and Tsunade cannot help but to scoop him up, spinning the little child around as she gets to get feet and smiling down at him.

Not a second later, Xanxus' arms are around her in a crushing hug of his own, and honestly he's fifteen and really what food is this boy sneaking to already be taller than both herself and Orochimaru? He doesn't even seem to be slowing down in his evident growth, and Tsunade wonders if he'll grow as tall as her grandfather.

"Tch, I won't let any of those bastards touch you."

Just this once, she won't wash his mouth out with soap.

.

And no, there's an eyelash in her eye, she's not crying at all.

.

* * *

 **Because a lot of people wanted to see the KHR cast in Naruto, but I refuse to ruin Kyōya's spotlight in Uchiha Kyōya. So here we are. Once again, I'll be updating this as inspiration strike, I've got no set plan really.**

 **Tsume**

 **xxx**


	2. The Arcobaleno I

**The Senju Brothers**

.

 **The Arcobaleno I**  
Uchiha Fon

.

Fon dies, and then he lives. He doesn't question it, having always believed in reincarnation, he just takes everything as he has always done, with a calm smile and easy acceptance.

That in this world, he seems to have been born into yet another larger clan once again does not put him outside of his comfort zone, and they appear to be fighters. He has seen the man who is his father fight, and he's quite content to know he will not have to change his own ideals in the slightest. Though it appears there are a few new martial art styles that he can pick up here, add to his collection. Certainly, he is not going to complain.

The second he can toddle along, Fon is up and about, moving through the motions with enviable ease.

This is also around the time Uchiha Mikoto is born, giving Fon a new little sister. Even if she's not the one from before, Fon treasures her as dearly as he did the first one.

.

He doesn't even think to consider if he's alone until the age of three when he first escapes the high walls of the clan compound and passes another child on the streets, one who floats by him in a black cloak that covers all but their lower face.

"Viper?"

The floating toddler freezes, before turning to look at him, lips pressed in a firm line.

"Fon. So you're here too?"

Fon doesn't question how the civilians are not witnessing Viper's blatant disregard for gravity, already well aware the girl is slathered in Mist Flames thick enough to get drunk off of.

"Too?"

"Mmm, Reborn's at the orphanage with me."

.

From that day on, their genin team is all but set, even in the face of the other Arcobaleno.

Skull, it turns out, is Viper's little brother here, no more than three months old, the two of them freshly orphaned.

Reborn's been here his whole life, and has already managed to get his hands on a fedora with a yellow band.

Verde, the oldest of them all by three extra years, is already finished with the 'ninja academy' and is currently trail blazing through the concept of 'chakra' in such a way that several theoretical divisions of the Leaf are already fighting over him.

Colonnello and Lal Mirch are not that much older than Skull; the only one they're missing is Luce, though they all agree the Sky can look after herself.

.

Fon never considered that he would be reincarnated alongside the former Arcobaleno, but he is, glad for it. To not be alone.

.

 **The Arcobaleno I**  
Kurama Viper

.

Viper finds it exceptionally fitting that she is once again born to a linage well known for their illusions. Regardless, she will once again become the best of them, because while she has the time to master the illusions created though chakra, there are none better than her with Mist illusions. Even if that Rokudo brat and his students come close.

That Skull ends up her baby brother is, well, a shock. She recognises his flames instantly, and when her parents -her father, mother is dying of childbirth already- goes to name him, Viper steps in.

"Skull," she says, and purple eyes turn to her in recognition.

The brat owes her one.

.

The Arcobaleno find her, all but Fon as she finds him. They agree ninja is what they are best suited for, it's the best thing they can do in this life, so off they go.

Viper, Fon and Reborn are all in the same age group, Lal Mirch and Colonnello only months older than Skull, so it's pretty much a given the trio will lie, cheat and steal their way into being a team. It is after all, what Viper, Fon and Reborn do.

They sit consistently at first, second and third in the academy rankings, a tight knit group that refuses to let anyone else in. It is around this time they get a letter, addressed to Verde, that while appearing to enquire after his latest developments in civilian healthcare, is in actual fact a coded message from Luce. She's off in her own village, living a happy life as a civilian, and she wishes them all the best of luck.

Viper cannot fault her for wanting to stay a civilian; had she not been born into a Mafia family, the illusionist is pretty damn sure the woman would never have been part of the criminal underworld, flames or no flames.

Still, it's a relief for all of them to know she's okay and happy, and it doesn't hold them back in the slightest as they power forwards.

.

They graduate as the Team Seven of their generation, and they fall under the command of one Hatake Sakumo. He's a powerful ninja, though clearly he has no idea what to make of their multicoloured flames, and eventually it's passed off as a genetic glitch that just so happens to have appeared in all of them by chance, because apparently chakra works in weird ways such as this.

Completing missions alongside Reborn and Fon, it's as familiar as it is easy. She trusts them to have her back, though she's not pleased in the least when it comes to the meagre earnings she makes from these missions. They need to rank up, and fast.

Sakumo watches them power through each and every mission with steadily rising eyebrows, and as such, he doesn't put up much of a fight when they ask to apply for the Chũnin Exams.

As expected, they power through that as well, and it's not long before they're declared the hope of their generation.

They whisper of Reborn's growing master of ninjutsu, of Fon's ability with taijutsu steadily become legend, of Viper's almost godly skill to have ninja doubt their very own senses and bring illusions into reality. Their fame grows, but so does the danger they face, and soon enough, they're fighting in a war.

.

It's near the end of this war that Viper hears the name that the legendary Senju Tsunade -who's necklace can buy mountains, Viper keeps track of that sort of thing- has given her first born son.

Senju Xanxus.

Her heart skips a beat, because there's a chance.

A small chance, but it's there.

She stalks the woman obsessively, nearly gets caught, but in the end, it's Xanxus that finds her.

Toddles up to her actually, and it is so very strange to see her Boss in the body of a toddler, ironic in a way.

She's not even upset when he demands to be picked up, swear words spluttering out of his mouth and it's all in Italian. Viper's not been this happy in a long time, so the teen picks up her little boos and settles him on her hip, even as he attempt to skewer her with a kunai he stole out of her pouch. It fades back into Mist flames before it can puncture her skin.

"You okay, trash?"

She tries not to, but it's impossible to suppress the smile at his squeaky, childish voice.

"The Arcobaleno are here, I have Fon and Reborn as teammates."

"And you're on a fucking date."

Viper doesn't deny it, it's impossible to do when Fon is obviously heading right towards them with a bouquet of flowers in hand.

"I am."

"You happy, trash?"

"It will cost you one million ryō for that answer."

The head of spiky black hair is thrown back and Xanxus barks out a laugh that should not be coming out of a toddler's mouth. With that, boss knows she's happy, if under paid.

.

His mother takes Xanxus with her as she leaves, but Viper knows he'll be okay. It's Xanxus after all.

So instead, she continues on with life, allows the peace of post war to sooth her irritation at her lack of money, and Fon continues to charm her as steadily as the seasons pass.

.

 **The Arcobaleno I**  
Reborn

.

Reborn wakes up in bed with, well, someone.

Rolling out with all the stealth decades of training, chakra and flames allow him, he escapes out the window before the woman's subconscious even notices he's missing.

Reborn is not Fon; he's not a one woman man and never will be. He'll be their best mistake, and he'll get the best of them and forget about the rest of them. It's a way of living that has never really led him wrong, and he doesn't plan to chance now.

If the Toad Sage Jiraiya likes to catch up with him so they could compare notes, than who is Reborn to tell him otherwise?

.

Slipping into the home that is always open to him, Reborn slinks into the kitchen and accepts the coffee mug that Hatake Sakumo offers him, a knowing, amusedly disapproving grin on his face.

Sat in his high chair, Hatake Kakashi stares up at Reborn with wide eyes, before demandingly holding out his arms. Reborn hates brats, so it's a damn good thing his godson isn't one.

When Sakumo had been appointed their sensei, Reborn had been wary. He didn't trust the man, but he did have quite a bit to learn about this world they'd all found themselves in. Ninjutsu, when used correctly, could have all the finesse and impact of a gun. There are worse worlds, worse conditions they could have ended up in.

Still, he grew to like him. Reborn, Viper and Fon had all attended Sakumo's wedding, all nodded when the man proclaimed Reborn would be the godfather of their first child and that Viper and Fon would be godparents to the second. They'd all stood by his side as Sakumo's wife was lowered into the ground, having died brining Kakashi into the world. Reborn wasn't close to the woman, but she was the kid's mother, so he did feel, displeased at her death.

"'Orn!" Kakashi's high pitched cry has him back in focus, and Reborn snatches the kid up into his arms.

He's going to train this one to be just as annoying a bastard as he is. Sakumo clearly sees it too, because he puts his head in his hands and groans.

Yes, Reborn will shape the brat in his image like never before, one way or another.

.

Viper and Fon have their own little brat, a cute little girl they name Iku, and name Sakumo her godfather. Reborn gets the honour of having to look after the second one a year later, Uchiha Rentaro.

.

Of course, then Sakumo goes and kills himself over the opinion of the sheep and Reborn is not impressed in the least.

A lot of people learn the meaning of true fear that night, and Hatake Kakashi closes himself off.

Reborn does not like that in the slightest, but no matter what he tries, he cannot fix it. He's never been the most emotional of people, and so finds himself intimidating the younger Jonin in charge of Kakashi, Namikaze something, into helping his cause.

When the Third war starts up and the enemy dares to taunt Reborn about Sakumo, the world blazes.

That day, himself, Viper and Fon become known as the 'Flames of Konoha' and earn the coveted title of S-rank ninja.

Suna is quick to surrender.

.

It doesn't bring Sakumo back.

* * *

 **A bit of serious history here, before we hit the funny. Sorry about that, but I need to add some background, and the Arcobaleno are difficult people to write from their own perspectives.**

 **Thanks for reading, please bear with me,**

 **Tsume**

 **xxx**


	3. The Arcobaleno II

**The Senju Brothers**

.

 **The Arcobaleno II**  
Uchiha Obito

.

"Chaos, Kakashi."

All four heads in training ground three snap around to stare at the source of the voice, with various reactions. Minato-sensei cringes while Rin looks curious.

Obito, Obito is ecstatic.

Here is one of his heroes, right before his very eyes.

Reborn is a legend, a newly classified S-rank ninja and he's an orphan just like Obito. If Reborn can reach such heights, than surely Obito can too, once he obtains his Sharingan.

The Uchiha outcast is so happy to see the man that it takes him a second to tear his gaze away from the man's strange taste in hats -it'd look so much cooler with an orange band instead- to the boy the legendary Reborn address.

Kakashi looks furious, or as furious an an emotionless robot can be. His arms are folded, head turned away and Obito really wants to know how the hell Kakashi-baka knows the super-awesome Reborn.

"Haha, hi Reborn," Minato-sensei slides over to the slightly older male, grinning sheepishly, "what brings you here?"

"Are you going to teach us all some super awesome jutsus?" Obito cries as he bounds forwards, basking in the closeness of his idol.

A fist comes down on his head in a punishing arc. There's enough force in that blow to smash him into the ground.

"Quiet you," Reborn snaps over Obito's pitiful groan as he desperately tries not to shed any tears in the face of his idol.

"Chaos, Minato," -oh, maybe Obito should get himself a cool catchphrase/greeting like that?- "I'm on leave for the week and Kakashi-brat needs hell training."

Huh?! Why is the uber cool, ass-kicking Reborn wanting to train Kakashi-baka?!

"I don't need you, go away."

And who the hell doesn't want training from the mighty Reborn?!

The Jonin seems to think so too, because he stalks forwards, planting himself before Kakashi with a frown. The midday sun casts the hat's shadow over Reborn-sama's eyes that seem to blaze yellow for a second as he stares Kakashi down.

"Who else is going to get you up to standards. Ten laps, complain and it'll be twenty."

"You're not my sensei," Kakashi mulishly replies, and Obito's in too much shock to shake Kakashi's shoulders and scream that he's crazy.

Reborn raises an eyebrow at the blatant disrespect, and Obito knows he's in for it. This is the most exciting team training in forever!

"Thirty laps."

"You said twenty!"

"I lied. Now are you going to disobey a commanding officer?"

Obito watches in amazement as Kakashi huffs, red with fury, but complies anyway. He doesn't go without snarling at Reborn on the way past though, and the Jonin's response is to kick him into a tree. Like it's nothing.

Minato-sensei lets out a wordless cry of distress alongside Rin, even as Kakashi just picks himself up, glares, and then continues running without returning fire.

Obito's pretty sure he's got stars in his eyes.

"Is that really necessary, Reborn-sempai?" "

Yes," comes the clipped reply, and then the older ninja does, something, that has little yellow beams firing from his fingertips at Kakashi's heels. The Chunin squawks and picks up his pace.

This is fantastic!

At least, until his eyes land on Obito and Rin, who have both sat down to watch the show.

"What do you two think your doing. A team can only go as fast as the slowest member. Start running."

Bleeding hell, Obito doesn't need to be told twice.

He's on his feet right away, but trips almost instantly, and one of those funny yellow beams lands an inch from his head.

First, Second and Third save him, that jutsu is nowhere near as cool up close!

He's trailing behind Kakashi but Obito's giving it everything he has, when a startlingly quick figure joins them on their laps.

He doesn't even dare to wheeze out the question of why Minato-sensei has to train too, because if he does, he'll fall over.

And he does not want to find out what those yellow beams are.

He takes it all back, this is hell!

.

Four hours later, Reborn-sama -his idol and now his nightmare, all in one- has left them with the terrifying threat of returning tomorrow, and a sweaty Minato-sensei is carrying them home.

Obito lays limply across the man's shoulder and thanks the sage he never got Reborn-sama as a sensei like he'd previously wished.

Mirroring him on sensei's other shoulder, Kakashi lays in an equally exhausted slump, arms hanging slack out before him.

"How'd you know Reborn-sama anyway, Bakashi?"

There's silence for a minute, and Obito wonders if he'll ever get an answer. But then, miracle of miracles, Kakashi speaks.

"He's my godfather."

What?!

.

 **The Arcobaleno II**  
Namikaze Minato

.

"Don't you think this is a bit too much?"

His three students are making their six hundredth and thirty fourth lap around the training grounds, and Minato cringes in sympathy. Thank god for his speed, at least he's had enough time to recover from his own laps.

Why he is even listening to Reborn is beyond him.

Oh wait, because one doesn't backchat Reborn, not even Jiraiya.

God, Minato pities whatever poor soul will end up with Reborn for a sensei. And someone will, eventually.

"Perhaps. That's why I'll fix their personalities after I'm sure they won't die."

"Fix their personalities?" Minato parrots, dreading the very thought. What's wrong with their personalities right now?

True Kakashi's a bit moody, and Rin's a bit naïve, and Obito's a bit, well, Obitoish. But really, changing their personalities?

"Yes, I will mould Kakashi in my image."

What a terrifying goal.

For one horror filled moment, Minao can see it, Reborn reflected in Kakashi's every action. The obnoxious smugness, a jaunty catchphrase, a habit of sleeping around. Doing anything and everything in his power to string a person along until they were torn between total disbelief and being more infuriated than ever before.

No, Minato has to prevent this, no matter the cost to his own psyche. But how?

He won't lie, chances are slim, after all Reborn's a tricky bastard on a good day. Trying to halt him when motivated just isn't possible. Or so they say.

For the future wellbeing of his country and village, Minato is willing to try.

"Is that really necessary?"

It isn't suppose to come out as blatant pleading.

The smug knowing look in those black eyes gives away that Reborn is enjoying this far too much.

"Completely necessary," he confirms, moving almost quicker than Minato can see and snatching up a passing Kakashi as he does so.

"Chaos, Kakashi."

The boy's too tired to even attempt his usual growl at the man, and only gives a pathetic wiggle, one that barely passes as a struggle for freedom as Reborn tucks him to his side. The Hatake hangs limply from Reborn's arm and not for the first time these two days, Minato feels a well of pity rise up in him.

"Well, I am off to go train Kakashi-kun in his chakra-" there's a pained whimper at the promise in those words, "-ciao, Team Seven."

And then he's gone, leaving Minato with two exhausted students and no hope of ever stopping the man.

.

 **The Arcobaleno II**  
Uchiha Obito

.

Obito's struggling home under his own power this time -Minato-sensei has been pushed past his limits too and was still passed out on the field as the Uchiha had made his escape- when he trips right before the clan gates and falls flat on his face.

Or, that's what should have happened.

But instead a strong hand catches the back of his shirt and hikes him up, so that his torso is lying three or so feet from the floor in midair as his limbs dangle pathetically.

"Okay there, Uchiha-kun?"

Blinking, Obito forces the energy up to his neck in order to turn to look at his rescuer and all the air gets such end from his lungs.

A lot of the village assume all the Uchihas know each other, but really, there's far too many people for that to happen. But Obito knows of this Uchiha, if only by his legend.

"Ah, Fon-sama!" He chokes out, blinking up at Reborn-sensei's -he'd forced them to call him sensei, and Obito didn't want to anymore, his every muscle and bone hurt- teammate.

Dear sage, please please please, he knows it's probably not possible, but let Fon-sama be the same one of Reborn-sensei's team.

"This looks like the handiwork of my fearless teammate," the older Uchiha muses, running a thumb over the holes in Obito's shirt as he sets him back on his feet, and the genin blushes.

He hasn't really got the money for new clothes yet, and not wanting to ruin his other good clothes, he'd taken to switching between two of the same outfit now, sacrificing them to take the brunt of Reborn's training.

"Forgive me, I'm afraid I don't not know your name, Uchiha-kun."

"It's Obito!" Obito cries out, and then slaps a hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

God damn it, his other hero -the first S-rank Uchiha since the terrifying Uchiha Madara- probably thinks he's mad now, or at least, not right in the head.

But no, Fon-sama just chuckles and pats his head as he does so, hand quickly disappearing into the large sleeves of his red shirt.

That's another thing Obito loves about the 'Flames of Konoha'. They dress however the hell they like, and while Viper's shawl thing is weird -how does she even see?- Fon's bright red ensemble appeals to everyone of Obito's characteristics.

Except, you know, orange is a way cooler colour.

"Come along, Obito-kun, let's get you cleaned up."

.

That's how Obito finds himself sat on the backyard porch of Uchiha Fon's house, enjoying a cup of tea as the man laughs over his tales of Reborn-sensei's hell training.

Obito didn't know that Fon and Viper were married, never mind that they have two kids. They're both pretty much babies, but Obito's done more than his fair share of the babysitting missions -hell, most of that was voluntarily- so he really doesn't mind watching them crawl/tumble about the garden.

It makes sense why the village wouldn't want many people to know that Fon and Viper are married; they're both S-rank ninja, so there's every chance that their kids are gonna be something special.

But right now, those kids are a weak spot too. And the 'Flames of Konoha' are really, really big targets.

"If you are that worried about your taijutsu, Obito-kun," Fon says calmly, pausing in order to take a sip of his tea, "then I believe I can help you there."

"Really?!" He's not even embarrassed about his high-pitched yelp, because Uchiha Fon, currently considered the strongest Uchiha in the village, is offering to help him train.

"Yes please!"

* * *

 **Well, hopefully that's a bit funnier this time,**

 **Tsume**

 **xxx**


End file.
